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@bparlan - RoastYourGithub

bparlanπŸ‘»
@bparlan

The Digital Ghost

β€œGit blame can't find you. Neither can your team.”

Commit Crime ScoreMeasures how β€œcriminal” your commit habits are β€” based on frequency, consistency, and patterns. Higher = more chaos.100/100

Criminally Untouchable

  • β€ΊWe've seen more activity on a flip phone from 2003.
  • β€ΊYour longest gap was 186 days. The grass grew. You did not commit.
  • β€ΊSomewhere, a junior dev has more commits than you this year. Several juniors.
  • β€ΊYour git history is technically a memoir. A very honest one.

Unlocked

🌱 Grass Toucher
πŸŽ‰ January Energy
πŸ–οΈ The Great Silence
πŸ›‹οΈ Long-Timer

48

Contributions

5d

Best Streak

6%

Active Days

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Roast Reel

@bparlan's greatest hits (and misses)

🌡 Monday, Jul 7, 2025

β€œThe out-of-office reply GitHub never got.”

πŸ’₯ Friday, Jan 9, 20261 commits

β€œThe gap made the push sweeter. Or at least denser.”

🌡 Saturday, Jan 17, 2026

β€œThe out-of-office reply GitHub never got.”

πŸ’₯ Wednesday, Mar 4, 20263 commits

β€œPlot twist: they were planning this the whole time.”

🌡 Monday, Mar 30, 2026

β€œGitHub status: offline. Human status: unknown.”