@bparlan - RoastYourGithub

bparlanπŸ‘»
@bparlan

The Digital Ghost

β€œGit blame can't find you. Neither can your team.”

Commit Crime ScoreMeasures how β€œcriminal” your commit habits are β€” based on frequency, consistency, and patterns. Higher = more chaos.100/100

Criminally Untouchable

  • β€ΊYour contribution graph is so empty it came with an air freshener.
  • β€Ί27 contributions. The keyboard warranty expired before you used it.
  • β€ΊGitHub sent you a 'are you still there?' notification. Twice.
  • β€ΊYour commit messages are a work of abstract art.

Unlocked

🌱 Grass Toucher
πŸ’£ Friday Deployer
πŸŽ‰ January Energy
πŸ–οΈ The Great Silence
πŸ›‹οΈ Long-Timer

27

Contributions

2d

Best Streak

4%

Active Days

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Roast Reel

@bparlan's greatest hits (and misses)

🌡 Friday, May 23, 2025

β€œThe 'I'll catch up next week' era.”

πŸ’₯ Sunday, Jun 22, 20253 commits

β€œSilence... then chaos. A classic narrative arc.”

🌡 Saturday, Jun 28, 2025

β€œThe laptop was closed. The plants were watered.”

πŸ’₯ Friday, Jan 9, 20261 commits

β€œThe gap made the push sweeter. Or at least denser.”

🌡 Saturday, Jan 17, 2026

β€œThe out-of-office reply GitHub never got.”