@bparlan - RoastYourGithub

🌪️

The Chaos Agent

“0 commits for weeks, then 47 in one day. Art.”

Commit Crime ScoreMeasures how “criminal” your commit habits are — based on frequency, consistency, and patterns. Higher = more chaos.100/100

Criminally Untouchable

›You're not a developer, you're a force of nature with a keyboard.
›The 45-commit day followed by two weeks of nothing is a certified power move.
›Doctors recommended a steady commit pace. You counter-proposed 'surge pricing.'
›Somewhere a junior dev saw your graph and felt seen.

Unlocked

🌱 Grass Toucher

🎉 January Energy

⚡ Caffeinated

🏖️ The Great Silence

303

Contributions

10d

Best Streak

14%

Active Days

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@bparlan's greatest hits (and misses)

🌵 Thursday, Sep 11, 2025

“The out-of-office reply GitHub never got.”

💥 Friday, Jan 9, 20261 commits

“The gap made the push sweeter. Or at least denser.”

🌵 Saturday, Jan 17, 2026

“The out-of-office reply GitHub never got.”

💥 Wednesday, Mar 4, 20263 commits

“Plot twist: they were planning this the whole time.”

🌵 Monday, Mar 30, 2026

“GitHub status: offline. Human status: unknown.”